How come there always seems to be a lorry parked outside Tesco in Irthlingborough High Street causing a traffic jam, yet there are always loads of empty spaces in the shop. Does the lorry just take stuff out of the shop then hang around to annoy me?
Simple Pleasures
There’s nothing like that full-up feeling that you get after Christmas dinner and tea to make you appreciate really simple food.
I have rediscovered the joy of hot buttered toast and Cornflakes with full fat milk and a spoon of sugar.
I am focussing on foods that don’t turn me into a bigger producer of gas than Russia, which seems to be the side effect of all other popular Christmas fayre. If I see another brussel sprout I will inflate.
Rage Against The Machine – just the beginning
Now that ‘the people’ have taken control of the charts again, it’s time for us to take control of the country.
Despite ‘democratic elections’ we have no real say in how our country is run. We have bailed out the banks to the tune of billions and they have done nothing asked of them by the government in return. Our transport system sucks and so does our mail service (who have decided that as their service is at an all time low, it is now a good moment to put prices up).
Let’s use our combined power to put the frighteners on a few major institutions, we have proved that we can do it now. My ideas are:
- Everybody stop buying first class stamps and only buy second class. Then second class will become first class and we will all save money.
- Lets all withdraw all our money from RBS on the same day and open accounts with the Airdrie Savings Bank, which is the UK’s smallest bank.
- Let’s all send a letter to our MP on the same day on different subjects requesting a response, remember to use a second class stamp.
- Everybody stop paying for parking everywhere in the country from now on. There aren’t enough wardens to ticket everyone. If you are unlucky and get a ticket don’t pay your fine. The system will soon melt down.
I would welcome more ideas like the ones above.
I’ve got toothache
Why do I always get toothache on a Saturday night so I can’t get to the dentist. I am a grumpy sod at the best of times but when I’ve got toothache I am unbearable.
Let’s go Lightning
If you don’t have anything to do on a Saturday night, why not try an evening at the Ice Hockey? We tend to go about 4 or 5 times a year and it is a good night out. MK Lightning play in the English Premier League and are one of the better teams so they win far more than they lose.
You get a fast paced, all action sport, the odd fight, 12 inch hot dogs and the opportunity to escape the Saturday Night TV.
Right outside the Ice Arena is a lap dancing club with the most hilarious name – The Phoenix Club. So in the words of Barry Potter, you can “Pull off into paradise”.
Having an evening of YouTube music
Having a night in listening to a variety of music on YT. Currently listening to Shine on you crazy diamond, which is a bit of a guilty pleasure as I never was a big Floyd fan. Later I will be sampling Siouxsie and the Banshees, now moved onto Icicle Works, Love is a Wonderful Colour is our song (that is Ange and I). Also having some Prefab Spout and Scritti Politti. Wreckless Eric is another old fave for anyone who can remember the Stiff tours.
Lastly I will come out of the closet and admit to being a fan of Willie Nelson
Sorry for being offline for a couple of weeks
I am pretty sure it was the fault of my mega corporate web host who show all of the customer service skills of a clearing bank. Anyway, I have amazed myself by fixing it and upgrading to a new version of WordPress. So I am back, bigger,better, stronger and grumpier. Look out for more moaning.
My quietest ever birthday
Went to work, came home, egg, chips, sausage and beans (my request), walk the dog, a bit of social networking , bath, brandy and bed.
Still it was only my 47th.
Natwest make me laugh (if you believe that..)
You know that Bank that we all own, they have really made me chuckle this week. First they close an account that I didn’t want closing, causing 5k to disappear into a black hole. Then they write to me to tell me that they have upgraded my business credit card (without asking), which will result in a days work logging in to loads of online services to change my payment details.
The letter came with the strapline ‘Helpful Banking’ on the envelope. Which really had me grinning from ear to ear. A word of warning to anyone working for a large corporate organisation who intends to contact me, you can tell when I am angry and liable to turn abusive, my eyelids move up and down every minute or so and I inhale and exhale regularly. Peace and Love!
On the plus side, I have just watched Back to the Future, which I love. I have made a start on the script for B2TF 4. I am thinking about casting, suggestions required for an new Marty McFly, what about Dean Gaffney he has the looks and screen presence.
Save the Spotted Dick
I was shocked to read today that Flintshire County Council had banned the term ‘Spotted Dick’ from their menus. Replacing it with Spotted Richard.
I am all for political correctness where people are being abused or excluded, but ‘Spotted Dick’ is just funny (and tasty). It made me wonder what happened to the ‘Wimpy Bender Brunch’ a favorite of Elton John and David Furnish.
Obviously I am now worried what is going to happen next, are Harvester going to have to withdraw the very popular ‘Beef Curtain Platter’ from the menu. Will we ever see ‘Hair Pie’ on the specials board at TGI Fridays again.
We won’t let this development affect mealtimes in the Childs household, Angela will still be getting her Raspberry Ripples out and I will serving up the odd portion of ‘Meat and two veg’.